A Halloween Story

29

OCTOBER, 2016

It was a dark and stormy night.

The sky over Condos at 3000 Farnam crackled with lightning and boomed with thunder. It was raining cats and dogs on this cold autumn night. The wind howled a gristly tune, blowing dried leaves down Farman Street.

The Sam's Food and Liquor1 sign flickered in the storm as if to send the Morse code message: “Man, this really is a dark and stormy night!”

The hiss of a cat screeched out into the night.

Oh, wait, never mind. It was my own cat who accidentally got shut in the closet. So, let’s recap: Dark and stormy. Scary. Lightning. Thunder. Flickering sign. The kind of night that requires a wool sweater, fuzzy slippers, and a potato casserole2.

And then…(dramatic organ music)

THEN….

Walgreens - Nothin' scares the Walgreens!

Um. I’ve got nothing. The deal is when you live here, the building is so safe and cozy that even a cold, autumn storm doesn’t shake you. Our building is a tank. Time to crank up the Netflix and pop some popcorn.

Okay, well, that wasn’t very scary…let me try again and thank you for hanging with me on this…

It was a dark and stormy night.

The sky over Condos at 3000 Farnam crackled with lightning and boomed with thunder. It was raining cats and dogs on this cold autumn night. Then bunnies and turtles, which everyone knows means that the storm has taken a turn for the weird and scary. The wind howled the wrath of a thousand angry hyenas.3

The Walgreens4 sign flickered in the storm like a Kardashian winking at ____________ (insert your favorite highly paid sports figure here).

"Me, into the phone: Skedaddle away now! None of that here, good fellow!"

RING. RING. RING! My phone indicated that someone was calling from the lobby call box, requesting entry into the building. Who could it be? I’m not expecting a guest or a pizza!

Me, into the phone: "Who summons the opening of the lobby door?"

Stranger’s voice: "I’m a stranger and I’d like to come in to:
1) Chat with you about my candidacy for president/congress/school board/daily bus mayor for the #5.

2) Sell you outdated magazines.

3) Have a sit down about your insurance needs."

Me, into the phone: "Skedaddle away now! None of that here, good fellow!"

And then I resumed watching “Moulin Rouge”5.

Potato Casserole - Delicious!

Okay, well, that wasn't scary either, so the point is that the controlled entry here is awesome and not only keeps us safe from harm, but also discourages unwanted solicitation. If you’re considering condo living and security is a concern, know that there are two levels of locked public doors in our building: The main entrance and then entrance to your floor.

It's smart and it's safe. And, fun if you have a willing friend who will play Rhoda Morgenstern and Carlton Your Doorman.

1 A fine, fine establishment. A perfect place to run for wine and chocolate.

2 https://www.verybestbaking.com/recipes/143635/baked-potato-casserole/

3 No animals were harmed in the telling of this story.

4 A fine, fine establishment. A perfect place to run for wine and chocolate.

5"The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return!" Satine, you should've used hand sanitizer!